One Of My Turns

I fought back, today.

I knew Bill was going to try and lock me in the bedroom again. I kicked him in the balls and then I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the leg when he tried to grab me. I wish I could have hit him somewhere else. The crotch would have been satisfying but really I would have liked to hit him in the chest. I wish I had killed him, because all what I did get was a scream from Ellen and the chance to run outside and now I've got nowhere to go.

The cops are after me again. I don't know what to do. They'll take me back there. I know they will. Even if they shouldn't, it's what they do every time. No matter how bad it gets, they never listen.

And I think I'm going crazy. I haven't gotten the chance to sleep, really, really sleep, for days. And I'm trying so hard to not fall asleep now, because I don't want them to find me here. This is all I've got, even if nobody reads it. But I've got to sleep some time soon, because I'm starting to hallucinate. I saw the worms again, under Bill and Ellen's skin. And under mine, when I picked up the knife.

And it's even worse because when I ran outside I still had the knife with me, and there was the kid, outside on the sidewalk, and for a second I was happy because here was somebody who would at least smile at me. But then he ran away. He gave me this look like he knew what he was doing too when he did it, like he knew I needed somebody to talk to but he wouldn't do it.

I'm so cold and I've got no one.


I feel cold as a razor blade
Tight as a tourniquet
Dry as a funeral drum


Run to the bedroom, in the suitcase on the left
You'll find my favorite axe
Don't look so frightened
This is just a passing phase
One of my bad days
Would you like to watch TV
Or get between the sheets
Or contemplate the silent freeway?
Would you like something to eat?
Would you like to learn to fly?
Would you - would you like to see me try?
Would you like to call the cops?
Do you think it's time I stopped?


Why are you running away?