Thursday, March 1, 2012

Outside The Wall

They put the wrong name in the news report.

They said the police are looking for Christina Randall. My name was never Randall. Bill and Eleanor were never my parents. My name is Christie Waterman.

I'm leaving. I can't stay here. Not with the police and the Cold Boy and the Wooden Girl all after me.

I know nobody reads this. Nobody cares. There's nobody waiting for me outside my Wall. But I'm going anyway. And anybody who tries to stop me, just remember what I did to Bill and Eleanor. I'll do it again.

I'm not going to be the next Wooden Girl.

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall
After all, it's not easy
Banging your heart on some mad bugger's Wall

The Trial

They're dead. I killed them both. And I made them suffer for it.

I'm not sorry.

But I'm not like them. I'm not.

The Wooden Girl doesn't control me.

The Cold Boy doesn't hold me.

I only did what they did to me. That's fair.

The Worms don't control me. I don't have to let them. I tore them out, one by one by one. And then I spat in her face.

She told me that she was disappointed. She said she wanted me to be her next carrier. I told her to go fuck herself. She said she would never really leave me. The Worms ate into my brain.

She said she'd be back.

I said fine. I won't be here.

I'm leaving.

Good morning, Worm, Your Honor!
The crown will plainly show the prisoner who now stands before you
Was caught red-handed showing feelings
Showing feelings of an almost human nature
This will not do
Call the schoolmaster

I always said he'd come to no good in the end, Your Honor
If they'd let me have my way, I could've flayed 'im into shape
But my hands were tied
The bleeding hearts and artists let 'im get away with murder
Let me hammer him today

The evidence before the court is incontrovertible
There's no need for the jury to retire
In all my years of judging I have never heard before
Of someone more deserving of the full penalty of law
The way you made them suffer, your exquisite wife and mother
Fills me with the urge to defecate
Since, my friend, you have revealed your deepest Fear
I sentence you to be exposed before your peers



I wanna go home
Take off this uniform and leave the show
I'm waiting in this cell because I have to know
Have I been guilty all this time?

Waiting For The Worms

I did it. I won.

It's Bill's turn to be cuffed to the chair. It's Eleanor's turn to be tied to the bed. It's my turn to hurt them.

I don't care if the Worms are coming out of my skin. It's my choice. I'm the one doing this. I want to do this. They deserve it. It's the right choice.

It's not the puppet girl pulling my strings. She's not real.

I'm not like them.

You cannot reach me now, no matter how you try
Goodbye cruel world, it's over
Walk on by
Sitting in a bunker here behind my Wall
Waiting for the Worms to come
In perfect isolation here behind my Wall
Waiting for the Worms to come
To cut out the deadwood
To clean up the city
To follow the worms
To put on a black shirt
To weed out the weaklings
To smash in their windows and kick in their doors
For the final solution to strengthen the strain
To follow the Worms
To turn on the showers, to fire the ovens
For the queers and the coons and the reds and the Jews
To follow the Worms
Would you like to see Britannia rule again, my friend?
All you have to do is follow the Worms
Would you like to send our colored cousins home again?
All you need to do is follow the Worms

Run Like Hell

I'm doing it. I got out of the bedroom when they locked me in to leave to go to the store. I've gotten onto Bill's computer. I've got everything ready.

I've got all weekend. I've got all their food and all their knives and all his belts.

It's their turn to hurt.

You'd better make your face up in your favorite disguise
With your button-down lips and your roller-blind eyes
With your empty smile and your hungry heart
Feel the bile rising from your guilty past
With your nerves in tatters as the cockle-shell shatters
And the hammers batter down your door
You better run

In The Flesh

It didn't work. I knew it wouldn't, but I tried it anyway.

I set up a video camera in the bedroom before last time. A tiny little one. NannyCam or something like that, I don't know the name. I sent the tape to Social Services. The same guy that always showed up came to the door. The Worms were in his skin, too. And the puppet girl was standing behind him, grinning at me and holding the Worms and making him dance. He didn't talk. She did.

Her voice sounded like Eleanor's.

She said that if I ever tried something like this again, she'd have Bill take me back up to the bedroom and not let me out for two weeks. And she'd come to visit me personally instead of just letting Bill do it. She said I still had work to do before she let me leave here. She said she wasn't done having fun with me yet, and neither were her friends. She said I still had some work to do before I was ready.

And then she left.

I don't know if she's real or not. But I'm not going to let her win. I'm not going to let Bill do anything else to me. I'm ready. I've tried everything else.

So you
Thought you
Might like to go to the show
To feel the warm confusion
That space-cadet glow
Well, I've got some bad news for you, sunshine
Pink isn't well
He stayed back at the hotel
And they sent us along as a surrogate band
We're gonna find out where you fans really stand

Comfortably Numb

I'm okay. I'm okay. I haven't done anything to get them angry at me for the past few days. I've gotten to sleep. I'm lucid. I can think. I can walk. I'm getting used to the cold. I'm ignoring the Worms. The Worms aren't real. My skin isn't really crawling.

I can keep myself together. They're still hitting me and locking me in the basement and everything, but I can think now. There isn't as much of it. I'm being good. I'm not even getting in trouble at school. I'm gathering my strength. They don't even realize. They think the last time broke me. It didn't.

I've gotten used to it now. I can take whatever they want to throw at me. I can stand anything. Even the hallucinations of the puppet girl and the boy in blue following me, making me dance on the end of the Worm-strings. I know they're not real.

I'm almost ready. I've got one more thing to try before I end this. I don't think it'll work. Nothing else has. But I can take one more failure.

Just a little pinprick
But you may feel a little sick
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on, it's time to go

There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look, but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone

I have become
Comfortably numb