The Thin Ice

It's always cold in this town. It never really gets warm, even in the summer. It stops getting chilly, but you can still wear a jacket comfortably, and most people do. Frost happens pretty early on in the fall, too.

Except this one kid that I see around here sometimes. He doesn't go to school. He's just this little kid, I dunno how old, who wanders around in a blue shirt and jeans and never wears a coat no matter how cold it gets.

I saw him earlier today. I've thought about talking to him before, but I never have. I don't really talk to anybody. I've learned to stop trying, after the way all the rest of it turned out. All it does is set me up for people to turn on me later. Sometimes it's my parents lying to them about me. Other times they just... stop talking. I dunno why.

But I kind of feel like I'm friends with this kid anyway. Like he's the one person here who actually notices me, and doesn't hate me. He smiles at me when he sees me. He's younger than I am, but I feel like he sees things and he understands and he doesn't hate me for it. That's nice, kind of.

But I still kind of want someone who'll actually talk to me. And he never talks. That's why I'm here. Because nobody will. Not about just normal things. They always try and "fix" me. I don't want to be fixed like that. I just want somebody to talk to. They say I need to fix the big problems first, but I feel like the problems would... kind of fix themselves, I guess. If I just felt like I could talk to someone.

Mama loves you, baby
And Daddy loves you, too
And the sea may look warm to you, baby
And the sky may look blue
Ooh, babe


If you should go skating on the thin ice of modern life
Dragging behind you the silent reproach 
Of a million tear-stained eyes
Don't be surprised when a crack in the ice appears under your feet
You'll slip out of your depth and out of your mind
With your fears flowing out behind you
As you claw the thin ice

In The Flesh?

I'm not going to give my name. I'm doing this from the public library for a reason. I can't let them find out that I'm running this blog. I'm not supposed to talk to anyone that they haven't pre-approved. That's why I don't have any friends. Or it's part of the reason, anyway. I can't pretend that being an outed atheist at a Catholic school has helped.

I'm just going to say it. My parents are abusive and social services won't help. I don't know why. I've called them twice. Both times the guy just came up to the door, nodded at them, and walked off. Nobody listens anywhere else, either, because they're smart enough not to leave bruises or cuts.

So I'm alone, in the house where it's always bad and the school where it's even worse because there's crowds of people there who won't talk to me.

And that's... pretty much it, I guess. I don't want to say any more. Not right now. So... just... lyrics. Because why not.

So ya

Thought ya

Might like to

Go to the show

To feel the warm confusion

That space-cadet glow

Tell me, is something eluding you, Sunshine?

Is this not what you expected to see?

If you wanna find out what's behind these cold eyes

You'll just have to claw your way through this disguise

Is There Anybody Out There?

Okay yes, it's pretentious and stupid to have everything here be based around The Wall. But I've got a reason.

That album is pretty much the only bright spot in my life right now. I'm alone. As alone as it's possible to be. And listening to that album is like hearing that somebody else went through the same thing, and knows what it feels like... and they got out eventually.

Because they did. I know everybody says the ending of the album is supposed to be ambiguous, but you know what, fuck them. Pink got his happy ending. There were people waiting for him when The Wall came down. That's what I choose to believe.

All alone, in ones and twos
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down 
Outside The Wall
Some hand in hand
Others gathered together in bands
The bleeding hearts and the artists
Make their stand


See? There were people waiting for him. Even when he couldn't see them, they were always trying.

So... that's why I'm here. I'm trying to tear down The Wall. I want a little bit of human contact that I can stand. I don't want to be alone any more.

Is there anybody out there?