Hey You

I was right. It was bad. It was worse than it's ever been before. He didn't let me rest for the entire weekend. He kept me in the bedroom the whole time, and I never had more than an hour or two's rest, and then the worms came out of his skin. I'm so tired. I'm so tired I can't stand it. I know it was a dream. It couldn't have been real.

The bedroom wasn't really so cold that my fingers were blue.

The walls didn't really turn into the white bricks from the album.

Bill didn't

he wasn't a puppet

there was no girl on The Wall making him do those things to me

and there wasn't the kid in blue standing there and watching and laughing


and Eleanor is not my Mother

None of this is real.


But it was only a fantasy
The Wall was too high, as you can see
No matter how he tried, he could not break free
And the Worms ate into his brain

Another Brick In The Wall, Part Three

They took me back again. They found me when I tried to run out of the town and they dragged me back and I've been in the bedroom for so long.

But I'm not going to let them hurt me any more. They've done enough. They've cut me off from everyone and they've hurt me over and over, and I kept just trying to ignore it and look for somebody who'd talk to me, but that's not happening. I've been writing this blog and nobody follows it and nobody offers me any comfort. I tried to tear down The Wall but there was nobody on the other side.

So fuck it. I fought back before. I'm going to do it again. I'm going to have to wait. I'm going to have to make them think I'm not going to try it again. And then I'm going to hurt them back, like I did before to Bill only worse. I'm not going to let them hurt me any more. If I'm not going to get any friends, fine. I can at least get a little bit of satisfaction before it's over.

I need to go home and let them do whatever they're going to. I'm too cold and too tired to stay out any longer. I'm seeing the worms under my skin all the time now. Under everybody's skin. I've got to get some sleep.

I don't need no arms around me
And I don't need no drugs to calm me
I have seen the writing on The Wall
Don't think I need anything at all
No, don't think I need anything at all


All in all it was all just bricks in The Wall
All in all you were all just bricks in The Wall

One Of My Turns

I fought back, today.

I knew Bill was going to try and lock me in the bedroom again. I kicked him in the balls and then I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the leg when he tried to grab me. I wish I could have hit him somewhere else. The crotch would have been satisfying but really I would have liked to hit him in the chest. I wish I had killed him, because all what I did get was a scream from Ellen and the chance to run outside and now I've got nowhere to go.

The cops are after me again. I don't know what to do. They'll take me back there. I know they will. Even if they shouldn't, it's what they do every time. No matter how bad it gets, they never listen.

And I think I'm going crazy. I haven't gotten the chance to sleep, really, really sleep, for days. And I'm trying so hard to not fall asleep now, because I don't want them to find me here. This is all I've got, even if nobody reads it. But I've got to sleep some time soon, because I'm starting to hallucinate. I saw the worms again, under Bill and Ellen's skin. And under mine, when I picked up the knife.

And it's even worse because when I ran outside I still had the knife with me, and there was the kid, outside on the sidewalk, and for a second I was happy because here was somebody who would at least smile at me. But then he ran away. He gave me this look like he knew what he was doing too when he did it, like he knew I needed somebody to talk to but he wouldn't do it.

I'm so cold and I've got no one.


I feel cold as a razor blade
Tight as a tourniquet
Dry as a funeral drum


Run to the bedroom, in the suitcase on the left
You'll find my favorite axe
Don't look so frightened
This is just a passing phase
One of my bad days
Would you like to watch TV
Or get between the sheets
Or contemplate the silent freeway?
Would you like something to eat?
Would you like to learn to fly?
Would you - would you like to see me try?
Would you like to call the cops?
Do you think it's time I stopped?


Why are you running away?

Mother

I fell asleep in class again today, and Mr. Evans sent me home. I'm suspended now, because apparently falling asleep in class is suspension-worthy. That means I'm trapped at home most of the time. And Ellen came to pick me up from school.

I hate her. I hate her as much as I hate Bill. Or more. I don't know. At least Bill doesn't try to pretend that what he does is supposed to help me. He just enjoys it. Ellen heaps all the blame on me and says Bill is just trying to straighten me out and help me get my life in order.

I used to ask her how locking me in the basement for three days without any light or heat or anything is supposed to help me. I asked about the other stuff too. I gave up around the third time she said that I just had to understand that Bill was only doing what he thinks is right. It's bullshit.

Go fuck yourself, Ellen. I got out and I ran and you'll have to drag me back if you want to lock me up again, because I'm not waiting for Bill to get there.

...I've got to leave the library again. I can't spend too much time here. They've called the cops again. It's going to be even worse this time.

Hush now, baby, baby
Don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here
Under her wing
She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing
Mama's gonna keep baby cozy and warm

Another Brick In The Wall, Part Two

Everything hurts. I can't walk straight. I can't type as fast as I normally do. And I'm tired. I'm so tired. And it's freezing here and my jacket's gone.

They didn't let me out for the entire weekend. They kept me up in the bedroom for the entire time. I wish it had been the basement. The basement hurts and it's cold but at least I can relax a little in there because I know they're going to leave me alone. I never know when Bill is going to show up when I'm in the bedroom, or what he's going to do next.

But I had to go back to school on Monday anyway, where I fell asleep in class and woke up to Mr. Evans screaming again. It was worse than normal because I didn't really wake up first. It just went into one of those lucid dreams where you know it's a dream but you're not really awake yet, and Mr. Evans was the Schoolmaster again. And all the rest of the kids had the worms coming out of their skin, too.

After I got out of detention, though, I saw the little kid in the blue shirt outside the library. He smiled at me. And I smiled back. I felt like he knew what had happened and how I felt.

I think... I've got a friend.

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teacher, leave them kids alone


Hey! Teacher! Leave them kids alone!


All in all it was all just bricks in The Wall
All in all you were all just bricks in The Wall

The Happiest Days Of Our Lives

I didn't go home last night. I didn't get any sleep. I was just walking around. And I skipped school today, too, because I know they'll send me home. I'm hiding out in the library again. Nobody knows I come here. It's not a popular place, and I can use one of the corner booths.

I fell asleep here, though, and I had a dream that I was back in school. Only Mr. Evans was looking weird, like he had all these things crawling around under his skin, long thin wormy things. And when he was giving the lesson, they popped out, one by one, and they were all little fleshy strands and they turned into marionette handles. He was a puppet, and there was another puppet - like, an actual puppet, only it had been carved to look like Ellen - standing in the corner and pulling the strings, and made him dance, and Mr. Evans turned into the schoolmaster from The Wall.

And even though it was still Mr. Evans doing all this stuff, shouting at me and telling me how wrong I was about everything like he always was, I knew the puppet lady was helping him along, or maybe she was controlling him, or maybe it was just... I don't know, I'm tired. And when I looked down at my own skin, there were little string things crawling around in there too.

...I've got to go home. I don't want to, but they'll have called the police by now and if I'm in the library when they find me they'll know what I've been doing. It's going to be bad either way. Really bad. I've never stayed away for this long before. Bill... I'm going to be spending a long time in the basement, I think, or up in the bedroom. But at least if I go home now when they don't know where I've been I'll still be able to use this blog later, when they let me out again.

You! Yes, you! Stand still, laddie!


When we were young and went to school
There were certain teachers who would hurt the children any way they could
By pouring their derision upon anything we did
Exposing every weakness, however carefully hidden by the kids


But in our town it was well known when they got home at night
Their fat and psychopathic wives would thrash them within inches of their lives

Another Brick In The Wall, Part One

Today's my birthday. Hoo fucking ray.

I'm not going back to their house today. That's my present to myself. Bill can do without his favorite punching bag for the day and I'm not going to deal with Ellen's shit and I'm not going to try and sleep on that bed like I don't remember what they did to me in that room and I'm not going to have to walk past that fucking door. I'm going to sit in this library until closing time and then I am going to go out and just walk around all night and then I'm going to school.

I'm not going to spend my fourteenth birthday like I've spent every other day.


Daddy's flown across the ocean
Leaving just a memory
A snapshot in the family album
Daddy, what else did you leave for me?


Daddy, what'd you leave behind for me?


All in all it was just a brick in The Wall
All in all it was all just bricks in The Wall